THURSTQUEEN SHARES THE 4 MOST POLARIZING GRAPES YOU'LL EITHER LOVE OR HATE - BECAUSE IT'S GEMINI SZN, OBVS
It’s Gemini Season, which means shit is bound to get a little weird. It seems like this astrological sign is quite possibly the most hated in the entire Zodiac. I mean, even Lizzo hates us which is secretly devastating to me, but after meeting some Geminis and witnessing the havoc a Gem can wreak on a country from the Oval Office— I get it.
On a personal note - when I tell people that I’m a Gemini the response is usually, “Oh my god! I love Geminis, they’re the best,” or a slight chuckle followed by something akin to — “You crazy bitch.” If I’m met with the later response I usually just say, “You have no idea,” and laugh maniacally.
Anyway, Gemini Season means polarizing times. And polarizing times call for polarizing grapes. Check out my four picks for the most polarizing grapes of all time and whether or not they’d be right for you.
SOUTH AFRICAN PINOTAGE
YOU’LL LOVE IT IF: YOU LIKE BLACKBERRY JAM & BACON
Pinotage is a South African crossing of the grapes Pinot Noir and Cinsault. This grape was created in South Africa in 1925 by the scientist Abraham Perold. The intention of its design was to create an expression of Pinot Noir that was hearty and easier to grow in South Africa’s arid climate. This grape is extremely brambly, which means it has loads of blackberry jam and “berry” aromas. Really stellar expressions of this grape have secondary characteristics of tea and bacon. If you like Syrah’s minty qualities and Pinot Noir’s medium body - consider giving Pinotage a shot.
YOU’LL HATE IT IF: YOU’RE NOT A FAN OF THE SMELL OF… NAIL POLISH?
Pinotage gets a bad rap because it can give off aromas of nail polish and rubber if made improperly. For several years this grape had a less than stellar reputation because of the mass produced stuff that would have a very chemical-driven smell. This was due to the fact that a lot of the Pinotage was made improperly and some even had cases of volatile acidity - or VA - a common fault in wine. Fortunately, with premium Pinotage, this is no longer the case. Yet still, if you’re not a fan of minty aromas or smoky aromas - you may want to steer clear.
NAPA CHARDONNAY
YOU’LL LOVE IT IF: YOU LOVE RICH LEMON & CREAM FLAVORS
Since when did Napa Chardonnay become relegated to “Cougar Juice?” Would someone explain that to me? What does that even mean? Overt misogyny aside, Chardonnay is quite possibly one of the most complex and versatile grapes around. Known as the “Winemaker’s Grape,” Chardy is a chameleon, and can shift its shape to sparkling, still, sweet, or skin contact expressions pretty easily. Basically, Chardonnay is a Gemini. If you’re a fan of complicated white wines with loads of body that can age — hit up some Chardonnay from Napa.
YOU’LL HATE IT IF: YOU DON’T VIBE WITH ALL THAT BUTTERY STUFF
Buttery Napa Chard can simply be too much for some, and that’s A-OKAY. If you’re thinking about writing this grape off entirely — here’s a thought before you do: simply make sure the Chardonnay didn’t undergo a process called “malolactic fermentation,” or “malo” for short. Malolactic fermentation is the process of converting the tart malic acid into creamier lactic acid. Consider giving Chablis - a type of Chardonnay from France that does not undergo malolactic fermentation a shot. If you’re still not a fan of Chardonnay’s lemon and apple vibes - feel free to write this grape off as you please.
ARGENTINIAN TORRONTES
YOU’LL LOVE IT IF: YOU’RE A DRY WHITE WINE-LOVER & HAVE 6 DIFFERENT ROSE SCENTED PERFUMES
Torrontes is a fascinating little white wine that is made in a spot called Salta, Argentina. As far as white wines go, Torrontes is about as aromatic as a wine can get. One sniff of the stuff is like sticking your nose in a rose garden, making it quite the attractive wine for flower fiends. Yet on the palate, Torrontes is dry, citrusy and almost salty - making it quite the contradiction. You’d expect it to be almost sweet, but this wine is usually bone dry with a light body you’d expect in a Muscadet or a Grüner Veltliner.
YOU’LL HATE IT IF: HEAVILY AROMATIC WINES ARE NOT YOUR THING
Some people just can’t vibe with really strong smells. If the idea of a flower bouquet makes you nauseous, maybe it’s best to steer clear of Torrontes and other aromatic varietals like Muscat, and Gewürtztraminer. Torrontes can also be hard because the aroma a complete and total 180 from what you get on the palate, making it a bit of a contradiction to some folks. Though some can find this wine deliciously cerebral and complicated, if you vibe with more “direct” wines that taste like how they smell, Torrontes is probably not your jam.
CABERNET FRANC FROM, WELL, EVERYWHERE
YOU’LL LOVE IT IF: YOU LOVE SPICY FOODS & STRONG FLAVORS
If there’s a bold red wine that certainly causes a stir, it would absolutely be good old Cabernet Franc. If you’re the type of person who slathers tabasco all over your pizza and loves a good glass of Cabernet Sauvignon, you’ll probably fall hard for its parent grape - Cabernet Franc. This big and bold red is high in tannin, and has loads of bright, red pepper flavors - sometimes I even get tomato - and bold tannic spice. Cabernet Franc is a big wine, and the perfect wine for “big red lovers.”
YOU’LL HATE IT IF: YOU DON’T LIKE SPICY FOOD OR BELL PEPPER
Cabernet Franc is a grape known to be high in Pyrazines or aromatic compounds that have green bell pepper aromas. Some people just don’t vibe with grassy notes in their wines, and that’s totally okay. If the idea of a peppery tasting and smelling wine with enormous tannins doesn’t appeal to you then Cabernet Franc is not your thing and that’s A-Okay. You may want to consider avoiding other wines high in pyrazines like Merlot and Sauvignon Blanc - and even Cabernet Sauvignon as well.