WHEN SHIT GOES WRONG: THURSTQUEEN SHARES 5 NIGHTMARE SCENARIOS WINEMAKERS TRY TO AVOID IN THE VINEYARD DURING EACH VINTAGE

I’m a worrier. I’ve always been. In fact, when I was a kid, the first book my Mom ever bought for me was “What If It Never Stops Raining.”

I don’t think being a worry wart is necessarily a bad thing, it just makes me prepared for the worst case scenario. As a matter of fact a mere decade later, my Mom bought me “The Worst Case Scenario Survival Handbook,” which I would read mostly for recreational purposes. And thanks to that book I now know how to fend off a shark attack, survive quicksand, and escape a car sinking in a body of water — in theory at least.

But all that worrying aside, the art of making wine is… well… hard. Really hard in fact, and a lot of different things can go wrong both in the vineyard and the vat room.

The more I work in the Wine Industry and learn about the craft of making wine, the more respect I have for winemakers in general. When your livelihood depends on something crafted by a force as fickle as nature itself, you have to be a pretty ballsy individual. You know what I’m saying?

BUT I’M ALWAYS POSITIVE AND SHIT: WHY DO I CARE ABOUT ALL THE BAD THINGS THAT CAN HAPPEN IN A VINEYARD, THO?

It helps to know the bad things that can happen in a vineyard as a Thurstqueen for several reasons. For example, if you’re aware that 2021 had catastrophic frosts in most of Europe, and that decimated a lot of wine production both in the Loire, the Rhône and parts of Italy, you would understand that the 2021 vintage is going to cost a bit more money coming out of those particular regions.

You’d also understand why the 2021 vintage of your favorite Sancerre is no longer listed by the glass at your favorite local bistro because of the frosts, and you’d have a bit more empathy for the entire winemaking process. You’d understand why 2021 as a vintage has more négociant labels coming out of France, because growers couldn’t get enough fruit so they had to buy their grapes from other places. And instead of looking down your nose at these folks who make the wine because it’s not “estate grown,” that year or whatever nonsense, you’d get it. Because if those winemakers didn’t pivot, that frost would have destroyed their livelihood for the whole year.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST - IT HELPS YOU LEARN HOW TO TALK TO WINEMAKERS WHEN YOU GO WINE TASTING

Generally speaking, winemakers are a passionate - and kind of nerdy - bunch. They have a pretty cool job, and they really love to talk about the challenges that happened in the vineyard each year. If you ever find yourself fortunate enough to go to a winery where a winemaker shows you around, chat them up about the vintage. Most winemakers I’ve met love to geek out over the winemaking process. This is honestly one of the best ways to learn about wine - and how I’ve learned a lot in my travels.

So without further ado, I’ll touch briefly on some issues that I’ve heard from my winemaking travels that vintners - or vignerons - run into in the vineyard and generally try to avoid.

PHYLLOXERA

Taken by Judy Gallager

Of all the things that could go wrong in a vineyard, Phylloxera pretty much tops the list. The reason being — well, if your vines get it, you’re probably SOL, son. And by that I mean, shit outta luck. Your vines are destroyed. Finished. Finito. Done for. End scene. All because of a microscopic wood louse - or aphid - lives on and eats the roots of grapes.

Phylloxera has always been a devastating issue, and in France at the turn of the 19th Century this pest nearly decimated 70% of the vineyards within the area. Folks frantically burned their vines to stop this plague, but unfortunately the only way to fix it was to graft American rootstocks with the European vitis vinifera vines. Phylloxera is still an issue, and even in the 1990s a mutation of Phylloxera plagued the vineyards in Napa, decimating nearly 2/3 of all vines. Essentially it’s the biggest of all the big yikes you could possibly imagine.

POWDERY MILDEW

Powdery mildew is something that can be devastating to vineyards if they don’t nip that shit in the bud (no pun in tended.) When left unchecked, powdery mildew can reduce the hardiness of a vine, and reduce the yield of grapes which means - less wine. What’s worse is that powdery mildew doesn’t really require any water droplets on the plant to infect it… It just… sorta happens.

If berries are severely infected, they can split, resulting in gross tasting wine. Powdery mildew can be controlled if you spray sulfur-based fungicides in your vineyard, so there is hope. But for folks who don’t want to use any chemical intervention in the vineyard - it can definitely be a problem.

DOWNY MILDEW

Downy Mildew typically happens right before one of the most pivotal times during the winemaking process - harvest. So it’s super convenient. Sarcasm aside, this fungus leaves oil spots and bright green patches and a gross, mold cover on the leaves. Downy Mildew effects a grape’s ability to photosynthesize, and causes all the berries to shrivel up into oblivion.

The best way to fight against downy mildew is to prune your vines so plenty of air circulates in the vine’s canopy (where all the leaves are.) It’s also helpful to spray vineyards with copper occasionally, and have plenty of time in between irrigating your vines.

FIRES

This one is pretty obvious, and fires effect vintages in more disastrous ways than one. Fires have caused a particular kind of devastation in California’s wine regions due to the changing climate, and if you’re fortunate enough to survive - and have your vineyards survive - a major wild fire, you have another problem: smoke taint.

Smoke taint effects the taste of the wine, by adding a very… well… smoky (duh) aroma to it. Chemicals called Guaiacol and 4-Methyl Guaiacol are what cause these unwanted smoky flavors that often mimic those toasty vanilla flavors you’d get from aging a wine in oak. And sure, some wines are fantastic with smoky flavors - like Syrah, but if you’re making Riesling? Gross.

Fortunately, winemakers are learning to adapt and have processes to minimize the effects of smoke taint, like keeping their grapes cool after harvest and keeping the berries in tact. And just because a vineyard is exposed to wildfire smoke doesn’t necessarily mean the resulting wines will suffer from smoke taint, as it mostly depends on the severity of the smoke.

FROST

Frost in late spring typically decreases a vineyard’s yield - or the amount of fruit that can be harvested that year. Some frosts are so catastrophic that they can decimate an entire vintage, which means a winemaker’s livelihood for a year. As climate change continues and more extreme weather plagues our planet, frosts and fires are becoming much more of a thing from vintage to vintage.

Certain sites are more prone to frost than others. So when you pick your vineyard site, you want to make sure it’s not in a frost-prone area, as some areas do freeze every year. If you’ve picked a solid place for your vineyard but the weather forecast suggests freezing temps, there are a couple ways to implement active frost prevention.

For example, if you have loads of money like some of the wineries in Bordeaux, you can fly helicopters over your vines to circulate warm air and prevent the fruit from freezing. There are also devices called bougies - which are essentially candles and buckets filled with wax - that can be placed around the vines to keep them warm.

Newer alternative methods are emerging from places like Italy, where vintners spray a mixture of cotton candy and straw on newly budding vines. The cotton candy hardens and the straw acts as an insulating layer, protecting new shoots from damaging temperatures.

Let’s wrap it up—

Look, I don’t mean to be a downer rattling off all the stuff that could go wrong during the winemaking process - and let’s be real, I didn’t even scratch the surface. But, I wanted to share this list with you, fellow Thurstqueen, so you could have a greater understanding and appreciation for what winemakers have to go through each year.

At the end of the day, nature is impossible to control. Plus, with the advent of climate change, it gets harder and harder each year to produce reliable and consistent vintages.

It takes a lot to be a winemaker, and it’s not always an idyllic life of getting drunk all the time, running around a vineyard, and eating cheese all day. This shit requires work, and above all resiliency. Thanks for reading.