GEEK CHIC: 5 “ESOTERIC” RED GRAPES WORTH GETTING TO KNOW BETTER

Geeks run the world. Facts are facts. And anybody who thinks differently has probably been living under a rock. Geeks have given us many things, from the computer to the internet, the iPhone, to the latest technological innovation that has caused quite a stir in our socioeconomic fabric — AI.

Full disclosure, I have never used AI once in this blog nor do I intend to for obvious ethical reasons. It would also be kind of dumb of me because I genuinely enjoy writing about wine. I do it because I love learning about new producers, hearing their stories, and the whole sensory act of tasting a wine and finding juicy AF adjectives to describe it. It just tickles my brain. Yet, as a person who is naturally curious and likes to learn new things, I had to give this whole AI/ChatGPT thing a try just because… Well… I had to.

My reasons for checking out ChatGPT were twofold: the first being a sense of severe existential anxiety over my job security as a wine - and now whiskey - writer and partially out of curiosity.

I did an experiment with ChatGPT and asked it to write a piece on Grolleau, a grape varietal commonly grown within the Loire Valley that is, like the grapes I’m about to discuss, on the “geekier” side as far as grapes go. I probably had to run ChatGPT at least 15 times, because it kept getting things wrong. I decided for the amount of time it took me to train it to learn about Grolleau, I could have probably been writing a piece on Grolleau. I haven’t used it since.

So I guess my job as a writer who writes about booze is safe… for now.

I’m not saying AI isn’t going to get smarter and catch up. I firmly believe it will and I do believe it’s here to stay. Will there be some positive developments that come out of AI? Probably. But as far as writing and the arts, I stand with Justine Bateman on the issue.

Anyway, all these thoughts about technology, AI and tech have led to many discussions with my partner at the dinner table who proudly informs me that “Geeks run the world.” He’s clearly right of course.

But what about the geeks of the grape world? I’m not so sure. People are still hitting up the grapes that would arguably be prom kings and queens, and stuffing these lesser-known grapes into garbage cans if the grape world was anything like the real world. Cabernet Sauvignon would be Regina George, and Pinot Noir would be her loyal sidekick, Gretchen Weiners.

So let’s take a second to touch on the underdogs of the grape world. These nerdy but delicious - and often fairly priced due to no PR - grapes should be on your radar if you’re a red wine drinker, but want to branch out of your usual rut.

BLAUER PORTUGIESER - AUSTRIA, GERMANY, SLOVENIA

Blauer Portugeiser’s name translates to “Blue Portugese.” This grape has many different names. In Eastern Europe it is known as Modry Portugal, and in Portugal it is identical to a variety known as Portugese Azúl.

This grape is typically planted in higher yields, resulting in light and fruity - yet drinkable wines. Folks who love Pinot Noir and Beaujolais will probably love the more “traditional” expressions of this grape from Austria. A lot of expressions of Blauer Portugeiser are inexpensive as well, making the grape easy on your wallet.

The thing that is great about Blauer Portugeiser is the amount of range it has. Though often underestimated as a high-yielding grape that produces cheap, light, strawberry-fruited picnic wine (hey, there’s nothing wrong with that) Blauer Portugeiser also has a super intense, serious side.

If you’re willing to shell out more dough and interested in spending money on expressions from places like Eastern Europe, Modry Portugal is serious enough to give a bottle of high-quality Burgundy a run for its money. With bold, spicy red fruits and a kick of black pepper, combined with graphite, this medium-bodied red has plenty of swagger and verve. Consider picking up a bottle if serious Pinot Noirs are your thing.

TAVKVERI - GEORGIA (THE COUNTRY, NOT THE STATE)

Tavkveri is nicknamed “Hammerhead,” because the cluster of grapes often has a flat top, resembling - well - a hammer. This rich, herbaceous grape is indigenous to the Kartli region of Georgia but grows in other places like Kakheti.

The great thing about Tavkevri is you can often find expressions of this red wine aged in Qvevri. Qvevris are these partially buried, round amphorae that winemakers in Georgia use for aging wine. Like Blauer Portugeiser, Tavkveri is a versatile red grape that can be used in rosé or sparkling wines.

I love expressions of Tavkveri that are rich and aged in Kvevri because they are powerful - yet friendly - wines that channel major Syrah vibes with plenty of herbs, black fruits, and olive qualities. Definitely worth bringing to a barbecue or serving with any meat-based dishes.

SANGRANTINO - UMBRIA, ITALY

Sagrantino is one big, effin’ boi. If you’re the type of individual who consumers Petit Sirah or massive AF, tannic expressions of Cabernet Sauvignon (because bigger is always better, duh) than look no further than Sagrantino.

A robust, highly tannic red wine from the Italian region of Umbria, Sagrantino is a bit harder to find. More than 90% of the Sagrantino in the world grows in Umbria, and it is found in the Montefalco Sagrantino DOC. The grape was almost extinct until a scientist, Arnaldo Caprai revived it.

Sagrantino is considered one of the most tannic of all Italian grapes and packs one heck of a powerful punch. This is a pretty serious statement, as folks who are fans of big AF Italian grapes with no chill whatsoever like Nebbiolo know Italy is home to some powerful red wines.

Before dipping into this bad boi, you probably want to decant it a little bit and let it breath for around a half an hour or so, because it does NOT f**k around. :)

PINEAU D’AUNIS - LOIRE VALLEY

If all these wine grapes were geeks or nerds, Pineau d’Aunis would be Michael Cera in his “Superbad” era. Essentially, Pineau d’Aunis is a geek… but it’s rapidly becoming cool. If there was a grape on this list that epitomized “geek chic,” Pineaus d’Aunis would be it.

Pineau d’Aunis’ meteoric ascent to superstardom is largely in part to the fabulous and wonderful people of the natural wine community.

A light, peppery and savory red grape, Pineau d’Aunis - or Chenin Noir - was apparently a favorite of the English King Henry III. Pineau d’Aunis grows within the Anjou and Touraine regions of the Loire Valley, and you can find really killer expressions of this high-toned grape in a region called the Coteaux du Vendemois.

Pineau d’Aunis popularity is largely due to the fact that it makes incredible rosé and is really food friendly. It’s lighter, acidic, and fresh, so it plays really well with vegetables (which are notoriously hard to find wine pairings with, by the way.)

Pineau d’Aunis is a great red to keep in mind for warm weather drinking, and is good to whip out for the Spring and Summer months.

MISSION - AMERICA/CHILE/SPAIN

I have always had a soft spot for the Mission grape, which comes in both red and white clonal variations. Maybe it’s because my first portfolio of wines had red blends that included Mission, but I always thought it made beautiful wine.

Mission is considered one of the first grapes planted in California, and winemakers are starting to bring it back - probably because of nostalgia. The grape also grows in Chile and Spain, where it goes by the names País and Lístan Prieto.

A lot of times, people would kind of turn their nose down at the Mission grape - or País. They would say it made boring table wines that didn’t really have a lot to say, but I think this was because everybody who drank red wines at the time was obsessed with the full-bodied, high-alcohol red wines. Mission is a grape that walks softly, but that doesn’t mean it’s boring.

Mission’s strength is its versatility. It definitely goes with pretty much all types of food due to its laid-back nature. Honestly? For Me? I consider Mission California’s answer to Beaujolais because wines made from this grape go with just about anything. Consider serving Mission chilled - like Beaujolais. If you like easy-drinking wines, Mission will definitely be a food-friendly favorite.